An Alternative Guide to the Fight for Fairer Elections.

There is a referendum next Thursday on whether or not to reform the British Parliamentary Electoral system. Citizens of Britain will flock to the polls and be asked to simply tick one box - yes or no. The question is whether to introduce the Alternative Voting System to replace our current First Past the Post System. Currently, there is a lot of confusion swirling around the media about how the actual proposed AV system works. Propaganda from both the yes and the no camps is being posted through letterboxes and pasted to billboards nationwide. I aim to enlighten all the confused with an easy to understand and relatable example.

Imagine the British General Election is the X Factor (as a Political Science student that's a sentence I never thought I'd write), except with no Simon, Cheryl, Louis or Dani. Remove the judges from the whole equation. It is a very loose metaphor, but each contestant represents a political party. You've got your serious contenders, which split the population opinion enormously (the Conservatives, One Direction), the joke contestants which aim to hi-jack the whole process (the Monster Raving Looney Party, Wagner), the outdated parties which completely fail to relate to public opinion (BNP, Storm Lee), the annoying contestant which is hated by many (Labour, Katie Wassiel) and the up-start young contenders who like to drink, (Liberal Democrats, Aiden Grinshaw).

The X Factor effectively uses the Alternative Voting system. In the first week of the X Factor, everyone votes for who they want to win. The contestant with the lowest number of votes goes home. The next week, everyone that voted for that losing contestant in week 1 then votes again for their most favoured contestant still in the running, most other people will have already decided where their loyalties lie and will not stray from their original week 1 choice. Gradually, as voter's first choices drop out, they reassign their allegiance to another contestant. This process continues until a winner emerges. This the process of AV. The only real difference is that AV forces everyone to order their preferences for a winner at a fixed temporal point, rather than to phone premium rate lines every Saturday for what seems like 100's of weeks. The whole process just takes a lot less time and wouldn't work for TV; there'd only be one show as everyone would order their preferences in the first week. In turn, the process is halted as soon as one contestant gains over 50% of the votes, as it becomes impossible for another candidate to gain a majority and win. Simple.

So, why are we having this referendum? What's wrong with the current system?

Smaller parties, such as the Liberal Democrats, argue that the current system is unfair. They may have a point - at the last election 23% of the British population voted Liberal Democrat. Yet, the party only won 9% of seats in Parliament. This disproportionate ratio of vote share to seats restricts their ability to affect policy and act on their manifesto, when nearly a quarter of the population voted for them. This has been happening for years and a major policy of the Liberal Democrat party in the build up to last year's general election was, if elected, to fight for electoral reform. The fall out from a British political party actually following through on an election manifesto promise has thrown the British political scene into complete chaos. No-one quite knows how to react.

Metaphor time. The whole reason why we're having this referendum is similar to the situation in films when the geeky, yet strangely good looking guy with no social skills (Nick Clegg) helps the hot blonde with big tits (David Cameron) with her homework. She needs his support to graduate college and, being the social hermit that he is, he's just quite happy to spend time in the company of a girl. You know what I'm getting at here.

This referendum is a bit like the penultimate scene in that movie. He has been her puppy dog for a year, helping her with all her work and putting up with all her. As a small token of reward, she's invited him to the end of year graduation party at her pool house. She's a little embarrassed by the whole relationship but does has a soft spot for him. Her conventional social group at the party don't anticipate her seeing or spending a great amount with him, but after a few too many she might just surprise all and the geek might get the girl. She doesn't really want to, but we've all made drunken miscalculations. From his perspective, this is exactly why he's helped her for the last year. He thinks the iron is hot and he can go to this party and get the girl. He has high expectations and will be bitterly disappointed if the night fails to deliver, as he has sacrificed a lot over the last year to help this girl. He turned his back on the mathathletes and computer club and sold his friends out. He picked up her in the rain when her ex-boyfriend dumped her. He might get her, he might not.

This referendum decides whether the geek will get the girl. The British public will decide and either way, one of them will be disappointed. If he doesn't get the girl, he will question why he put up with her for a year and sold his soul, for no reward. If she sleeps with him she'll face endless mocking from her friends and questions about why she ever invited him in the first place.

Trying to sexualise a referendum is very difficult (sex sells right?) but this whole situation is equatable to the vote next week.

David Cameron and the Conservatives clearly don't want AV because it effectively renders their power invalid. So, if the yes vote emerges victorious, as Prime Minister, he will face serious questions from within his own party. In return for Liberal Democrat support on Conservative policy since May last year, David Cameron is rewarding Nick Clegg's loyalty by staging the referendum. The Liberal Democrats clearly want electoral reform. So, in a similar light to Cameron, Clegg faces serious questions if next Friday Britain still operates under a First Past the Post system and the no vote wins. Under AV the Liberal Democrats should win more seats and this referendum is really the product of Liberal Democrat power in Westminster. Additionally, it is well documented that the Liberal Democrats have sold their political soul in the last 12 months and supported the Conservatives on many controversial issues such as the Public Cuts and Student Fees, but the referendum on electoral reform is the one major policy which they have swindled out of the Conservatives as a result of their role in the coalition. But, if the AV is rejected by the British public, we may see a Liberal Democrat backbencher revolt against Clegg. He will have committed two cardinal political sins towards his party; loss of public popularity and failure to represent party interests.

It is (trust me) a very interesting debate and to add further confusion, the Labour Party has been completely split by the issue. Current polls by the Guardian and ICM suggest that a majority of 58% plan to oppose the reform.

To conclude though, this whole issue has given me an idea. We should elect our Parliament in an X Factor-style reality television show. Not only would this idea increase political participation and ensure voters knew how the system worked but it also provide great Saturday Night TV for 10 weeks every 4 years. If there was a referendum on that electoral system I have no doubt we'd see Vince Cable impersonating Elvis in no time.

Some song suggestions (click to listen):

• For the MPs caught in the expenses scandal: It Wasn't Me - Shaggy
• Nick Clegg & David Cameron: Come Together - The Beatles
• The Miliband Brothers: We Used to Be Friends - The Dandy Warhols
• Nick Griffin: Sympathy for the Devil - The Rolling Stones
• The Green Party: Cunts are Still Running the World - Jarvis Cocker
• Gordon Brown: Should I Stay or Should I Go - The Clash

Off to phone Simon Cowell.

Third Year Observations

Over the last 16 weeks I have developed a love affair and formed an exclusive bond. Previously, a free man, fleeting between the Arts Building, the Strathcona, 1C and the Learning Centre, I'm now tied down. The Orange Computer Room in the Main Library at the University of Birmingham and I have a very intimate relationship. It has been there for me during my lowest moments and witnessed me at my weary, stressed and bedraggled worst. In addition, we've spent many a late night (not to mention early morning) in each other's company.

Since the 3rd of January the library was the source of many trivial and minor everyday amusements for my fellow Orange Room loyalists and I. When the highlight of my day was filling up a water bottle or grabbing a coffee in the iLounge, the third year social equivalent of Gatecrasher Monday in freshers, I started to pick up on tiny incidents and irregularities which in turn evolved into sources of great amusement and entertainment.

If Carlsberg did amusing library incidents, then PDA (Public Displays of Affection for anyone not clued up) would be somewhere near the top of the list. PDA in the library is pretty much a no go, unless you are engaging in actual sex which is excusable purely for the purposes of banter. It is cringeworthy, incredibly distracting and crucially, for everyone else, hilarious. Whilst in the library I bore witness to two main types of PDA.

Firstly, mutual PDA, showcased by both members of a couple and evidenced by one pair at a computer around Pancake Day. They were clearly so engrossed in each other, that for a full 45 minutes they sat "making out" in clear view of over 100 students, much to everyone's amusement, except maybe the girl sat at the computer next to the spectacle. The motivation for this still defies my logic. If they were both so "eager", so to speak, surely in that 45 minutes, rather than engage in, frankly limited, activity in full public view, a better call would have been to go home and let events unfold from there. Though thankfully that was not the case, if that had occurred then I would have never seen the guy leaving the room and blowing multiple kisses in her direction.

Secondly, there is the PDA in which one half of the couple is clearly uncomfortable with the situation, yet does nothing but look slightly awkward and attempt to continue working. This was exampled by a girl handily giving her boyfriend a special treat in 1C who, with a facial expression of combined horror and an impression of Justin Timberlake in the YouTube video "Jizzed in my Pants", continued to work and did nothing to stop her petting the snake. After all, he did have a seminar to prepare for.

Of course, this is incredibly ignorant of me. Some couples may be so in love, experiencing such burning passions of desire, affection and lust (which I couldn't possibly understand or relate to), that in fact if they spend more than 2 minutes apart from each other the world may spontaneously combust. Really we should be thanking these people. Yeah, right. Call me cynical and unromantic (believe it or not I possess a softer side), but public affection should be reserved for special, romantic moments.

A further development that emerged like a Phoenix from the flames during the hellish experience that was writing a 13,500 word dissertation was the evolution of a library community. In all seriousness, I saw the same people day-in, day-out for three months, and actually got to know a few of them reasonably well which was great. This is a sincere thought in an otherwise light hearted and cynical blog.

There was camaraderie between us, the hard up protagonist students, forced to pay for our distinctly average higher education with limited access to resources, crap tutors and no 24/7 library, against the world. There we sat, in the Orange Room (our metaphorical Duck and Drake Inn), slaving day and night, sacrificing blood, sweat and tears to get this life changing piece of work in on time. Listening to our iPod Touches, in our Levi's and wearing Jack Wills we worked and worked from the break of dawn until 9pm (The Only Way Is Essex was on at quarter past). We Blackberry Messengered stories of our plight back home to the our middle class parents and to our housemates who had no approaching work, telling them tales of failing hard drives and unsaved work. It was make or break, this piece of work defined who we were as people and whether there was even the slightest chance of long term happiness in life. An unaccountable, dishonest government, a global recession, a "Broken Britain" could all be put to right, just by getting a 2:1. It was us against them.

Joking aside, I did actually meet many people and make a few friends in the library and there was a real sense of all in this together, which was comforting. Writing a dissertation is not a pleasant experience and it was great when congratulations and pleasantries were exchanged between everyone on hand in day. In fact as someone recently pointed out, I've met more girls in 3 months through working late nights and early mornings in the library than in 2 and half years at Gatecrasher. Food for thought.

Twitter is the perfect outlet for these little snippets of humour and I must confess that in the last 16 weeks or so I've become something of a social media whore. Lack of extended human contact and social activity resulted in multiple Facebook statuses and Twitter updates. An 80p pack of Fruit Pastilles; the world needed to know (9 likes to be fair). I found myself recording these little amusing stories and anecdotes online, in the vain belief that anyone actually cared (much like this blog). How ironic that I will shamelessly plug this post on Twitter later.

There is further irony in the fact that the more an individual uses social media directly correlates with the amount of actual social activity they are experiencing. Again, my cynicism could be overstepping the mark here and apologies if this seems like a judgmental thing to suggest; I changed my profile picture and posted a status this morning so I'm quite obviously a hypocrite.

It is worth considering though - at what point does social media seemingly or perceptively become synonymous with who we actually are, as people? Many judge individuals on their Facebook profile, it is a fact. I'm hardly claiming the moral high ground in all this. I do it. Furthermore, I'm aware that I'm open to judgement on the basis of my Facebook profile. It sounds ridiculous but its true. It's also true that anyone who judges me entirely on the number of status updates I post, is definitely not worth my time. I'll confess though, I list bands on my page which I genuinely love but also those which I believe people will find interesting. Certainly everyone has been guilty judging people on the basis of Facebook at least a handful of times, especially when first befriending someone online; the phrase Facebook stalking gets thrown around a fair bit. People are judged on how many status updates they do, what bands they list, what films they like.

The undertone of this blog is something which anyone reading this will already know. To judge people on Facebook is bizarre and we all do it. Furthermore, similar notions exist in the unfounded, yet slightly concerning, thought that we are all judged as people, by others on our academic records, our dissertation and our grades, rather than who we are and our character. I attempted to subtly allude to this earlier in this blog. This whole thought originally stemmed from a conversation I had with a friend over the film "Into the Wild", in which a 22 year graduate completely rejects society and hitchhikes to Alaska. He does not allow himself to be judged by socially constructed means, rather, he choses to let others judge him for who he is. How ironic that this conversation actually occurred on Facebook.

Just watch this YouTube clip:

ni·hil·ism

noun /ˈnīəˌlizəm/  /ˈnē-/ The rejection of all religious and moral principles, often in the belief that life is meaningless Extreme skepticism maintaining that nothing in the world has a real existence

I met a woman on a train who claimed to be a nihilist; that nothing you ever do will have any lasting impact on anything or anyone. I think this photograph is testament to the counter-belief, my own belief, that no matter how insignificant we think or assume our actions to be, this is simply not true. The one inevitability, ironically, in life is that we all die. Just as the Flaming Lips song proclaims. Yet, is it not human nature to maximise the time we do have through actions and activity which we measure by our own subjectivity?

2011

A few bands to look out for in 2011. If you know them, then clearly I'm just not cool enough.

Season's Greetings & 2010 Review

NEWS.

Major news stories this year: the Pakistani floods, the Gulf Oil Spill, the Wikileaks scandal, the British coalition, Student fees, Obama's health care reforms, the Haiti earthquake. But my top story, simply because I found it so engrossing and heart warming was the Chilean Mine rescue in September.

SPORT.

It was a great season in F1. Wimbledon was very exciting, and the Ashes and the Ryder Cup were brilliant but of course the big sporting story of 2010 was the World Cup. Yet, I shall not simply focus on England's dismal showing in South Africa. In fact, the biggest sporting moment of 2010 was a moment of heartbreak for Ghana. Never had an African nation progressed to the semi-final stage of the World Cup. Cameroon in 1990 returned as heroes following their success in reaching the quarter-final stage. Ghana had a penalty in the last minute of extra time, the stage was set for Asamoah Gyan, to send his team through on African soil...

But what composure the striker showed, when after missing this kick, he slotted his penalty in the shoot-out, unfortunately it was not enough for Ghana, as Uruguay progressed to the semi final. Spain ultimately won football's biggest prize, for the first time in their history.

FILM.

2010 was the year in which 3D announced itself as a cinematic force. Avatar released at the beginning of the year broke all the box office records and ran riot at the Oscars. I personally thought it was a very disappointing film, which was utterly predictable over the 3 hours which it ran for. It relied on style and synthetics rather than substance of character development and plot. Of the other 2010 films I saw Toy Story 3 was fun, Devil was awful, Nightmare on Elm Street was just ridiculous, the Social Network was very good, Paranormal Activity II was surprisingly good, Due Date was very amusing and Saw 3D just made no sense. 3D films should simply be regarded as good simply because they're shot in 3D. My film of the year comes down to two films, both starring Leonardo DiCaprio - Inception and Shutter Island. I'm going to have to give it to Shutter Island simply because of Scorcese's directing. He is one of my favourite directors. Shutter Island is well worth watching twice and DiCaprio is brilliant.

MUSIC.

I can't even remember what music has come out this year to be honest. Rihanna has become huge, her duet with Eminem in the summer, Love the Way You Lie, was one of the most popular songs of the year. Example's Kickstarts was definitely a summer tune and more recently Duck Sauce with Barbra Streistand has become my winter 2010 part tune. Did Take That welcome back Robbie...? Oh well. Plan B announced himself on the scene in the summer with Prayin and Stay Too Long. King Blues released their third album in the summer, as did the Gaslight Anthem, both of which I can't get enough of. Florence and the Machine became THE band to like. Florence Welsh's rendition of You've Got the Love with Dizzie Rascal at the Brits was one of the highlights of the year for British music. Yolanda Be Cool & DCup had the huge hit, We Speak No Americano as well. Kasabian also hit the big time and headlined V Festival. 2010 was also the first time I went to Glastonbury, and it was fantastic. Probably the highlight set was Fatboy Slim to be honest. Either that or Shakira. I can't pick a song of 2010 so I'll just leave on this, it's such a sick mash-up -

On a personal level 2010 has been a funny old year. It started sober in a Wetherspoon's car park, has taken me to Barcelona hitchhiking, Cyprus, Middlesbrough, Brixton and Dawlish Road, all via Wilmslow. My 21st in June was a birthday to forget, but shit happens. This summer was fantastic, and things seem to be on track to graduate next June (touch wood). The Thursday Night Show has been great fun, as has playing football about 78 times a week. It's just a shame Ipswich are doing so poorly. But on a positive note, I couldn't have envisaged where I'd be now 6 months ago, so I must have done something right. Here's to a Merry Christmas and Happy 2011. More of the same please.

New Age Fun With a Vintage Feel!

I haven't done this thing for ages, so in theory I should have a lot to talk about, but I really don't.

Firstly - a shameless plug for my new radio show. The Thursday Night Show, every Thursday at 7pm on www.burnfm.com. We have a facebook group and our own show page. Check us out.

The only other thing I really want to mention is this. I was at a party the other night and I was trying to make friendly conversation with some people I'd just met. However, after about 3 or 4 minutes of trying to converse, I got the impression they just weren't interested in anything I had to say (this was either because I genuinely had nothing interesting to say or because I was very very drunk) so I just kind of wandered off. However, I think looking back these kids were just a bit too cool for school. You know what I'm on about, the whole why is life so hard look when smoking a rizla or the I can't speak any quicker than about 4 words a minute in a really depressing tone vibe. Yeah, this song is for you and it's complete and utter genius. I'm not a massive fan of deck shoes with no socks or 3D glasses with no lenses to be honest, although maybe I'm just jealous I can't grow a moustache.

Participate, don't spectate, Become the view.