28 June 2010

It's a very simple idea. One ball, two goals and twenty-two men. At least that's the theory. In practice, countless backroom staff, thousands of fans in the stadium, hundreds of cooperate guests, I refuse to label them as "fans", and millions watching on TV are also involved. And of course crucially, five officials, made up of one referee, two assistants, a fourth official and a fifth as back-up. England not so much crashed, but faded timidly out of the World Cup yesterday. It could of all been so different. If one of the four active officials had seen Frank Lampard's 39th minute lob rebound off the crossbar, spin a good 2 feet behind the line, and then finally back into the Neuer's arms. Goal given. 2-2. England are still in the World Cup.

England were beaten by Germany's youngest ever World Cup squad in the post war era. Since 1990, England's record at major championships reads as follows.

Italia '90 - Semi Finals
Sweden '92 - Group Stages
USA '94 - Did not qualify
England '96 - Semi Finals
France '98 - Second Round
Belgium/Netherlands '00 - Group Stage
Japan/South Korea '02 - Quarter Finals
Portugal '04 - Quarter Finals
Germany '06 - Quarter Finals
Austria/Switzerland '08 - Did not qualify
South Africa '10 - Second Round.

"History will be kind [for me], for I intend to write it" - not so here.

The history books will show that England's most successful period in the modern era was between 2002 and 2006 under the laissez faire guise of the Swede, Sven Goran-Eriksson, where the national team reached the last eight in three successive tournaments. In reality the only teams England beat at these tournaments were Argentina (the only goal coming from a David Beckham penalty), Denmark, Switzerland, Croatia, Trinidad and Tobago, Paraguay (again by a single goal from a David Beckham set-piece) and Ecuador (another 1-0, and the goal from a David Beckham free kick). This record this not reflect the assumption that England are a force at international level. In Italia '90, the most successful foreign campaign at international level by the England, all three of England's knock out games went to extra time, David Platt scored a 119th minute winner from a set piece against Beligum and they needed 2 Gary Linekar penalties to beat Cameroon in the quarter finals. England's international record is not good, in fact in is awful. The last time England defeated an international powerhouse in knock out football in open play was against West Germany, July 30th, 1966. Subjective I know, but consider that in the knock out stages of major tournaments since that World Cup, England have defeated Ecuador, Denmark, Spain (on penalties), Cameroon, Belgium, Paraguay, West Germany (after extra time), Portugal, Argentina. Eight teams, three in 1966. For a country behind only Brazil and Germany in terms of percentage of registered footballers by population, this is completely awful. Compare this record to those of Brazil and Germany in the last 20 years, with eight World Cups between them and both still looking lively in South Africa. Chile, Ghana, Germany, Turkey, England, Belgium, Netherlands, Denmark, Chile, Italy, Sweden, Netherlands and the USA have all fallen to the might of Brazil, since 1990. England, Turkey, Portugal, Argentina, Sweden, South Korea, USA, Paraguay, Mexico, Czech Republic, England, Croatia, Belgium, Sweden, Argentina, England, Czechoslovakia, Netherlands have all fallen to the Germans, again since 1990. Impressive.

The Premier League is frequently cited as the "best league in the world" (copyright). In reality, it is the most profitable and most marketed, with huge audiences from Shanghai to Seattle. Foreign buyers from the wealth hotspots of the world invest and seek success, with no regard for the state of the game at a local level. And this is allowed to happen. I'm not saying that if this is stopped, England will win the World Cup, but the emphasis in England is on one thing: money. The emphasis should be another one thing and one thing only: football. Football for football's sake. For the fans, for the game, for the national team, for pride, for enjoyment. For that feeling when a team scores right at the death, against all odds and the emotions and feelings that brings to every single person who has limited appreciation for the game. For the fact that football united both German and Allied forces during the war. So for the once, the war and imperialist metaphors may actually be useful when discussing English and German football.

Germany do not cater their domestic league to foreign interests. Chinese advertisement hoardings are not regularly featured at the Allianz Arena or the Westfalenstadion. Clubs must be owned by a majority shareholder to ensure financial stability. In 2009-10 the Bundesliga had the highest goal and attendance averages in Europe. The league is not branded anywhere near to the extent of the Premier League, but the league also made more profit last season. Then again, the argument that it's not all about money comes into play, true and it is largely regarded that the Bundesliga is more competitive than English football, in contrast to Bayern's double last year.

This game isn't just a game. It's an art and it's warfare combined. It's technical and illogical. It's unfounded, complete outpouring of passion bridled with intelligence and canning. And every 2 years England goes completely nuts for football. Flags adorn churches, car windows and town halls. Crates of beer feature the faces of the national team (even if they're not in the squad, Theo Walcott/Carlsberg) and replica shirts are worn by everyone and anyone. Expectation increases. "This could be our year" It unites the nation. Everyone is backing the team, millions cram round the TV to see if our boys can finally do it. And yes!! England have done it!! They've beaten Slovenia, a country with 400 professional footballers!(!) This could be our year!!

In defeat we are further united, hours upon hours of TV and radio time are devoted to Glen in Leicester and why he thinks we should have played 3-5-2 or Caroline, a Grimsby fan from Swindon who just thinks they're all a bunch of overpaid prima donnas. Hundreds of journalists in thousands of column inches will slate the players and ask where the lion spirit and passion was when it was needed most, (and bloggers whose opinions will be seen by null are desperately to search for an answer.) This is more than a game.

Which is why the FA decided to hire Mr Fix-it. For £6million a year, to bring the World Cup home to England. Open top bus parades around London, ticker tape coating the countries streets. Something for the English to cheer. To give us some hope, and kick start the economy. To make believe that England is in-fact great and not a bit-part world leader whose powerful empire days are forgone. What the FA failed to understand is that England, just aren't very good at football. The players are brilliant. Terry, Lampard, Gerrard and Rooney. But England, aren't.

21 June 2010

"And all you can do is just wait by the moon, and bleed if it's what she says..."

2 years ago, nearly to the day, I boarded a flight from Nadi, Fiji, a place which few people have knowledge of, to Los Angeles, USA, a city which undoubtedly a great deal more people have heard of.

Our plan for California was to somehow visit Los Angeles, San Diego, Lake Tahoe, Santa Cruz and two weeks later fly out of San Francisco. Whether this was by car, bus or train none of us knew. We landed to LA, possibly the most unfriendly backpacker city ever, at 2pm with no accommodation. Nevertheless we managed to find a hostel within a reasonable walking distance from Boulevards Sunset and Hollywood. We decided to rent a car and drive down to San Diego and stay with my family just outside the city in Escondido, then drive 10 hours North to Lake Tahoe, before finally driving down the I-80, over the Oakland Bay Bridge to San Francisco. We were greeted on our arrival by a fantastic panoramic view of the silhouetted skyline and Golden Gate Bridge, set against the perfect backdrop of a California sunset. Yet again we had no accommodation and no agenda.


These were probably the happiest two weeks of my life. A car, my four best mates, no agenda, endless roads and freedom. No-one can ever take away from me. I have since then changed, but I will come back. I will be that happy again.

The world can't change who I am or how I feel. Deep down, no-one ever really changes. Thanks for the memories.